HOW DO WE PROTECT OUR CHILDREN?

It appears that the children in our society are more in danger from predators than many of us would have believed prior to the last few weeks. News of alleged inappropriate behavior toward children from coaches in college football, gymnastics and college basketball brings to the forefront the age-old questions, how do we protect our children from people who want to do them harm? How do we allow our children to reap the benefits provided by all the wonderful adults involved in youth sports while protecting them from that small percent of one percent of coaches with immoral motives?

First and foremost, our children must understand what constitutes inappropriate touching. But, if prevention is our goal (rather than reaction), we must teach our kids to recognize the signs of prepping and baiting used by adults to build relationships with children that may allow future abuse. What seems to be common to all the cases reported is that the children involved were allegedly set up for the abuse over a time frame of months or years.

Unfortunately, the things a coach tries to develop in a good relationship with athletes, trust, confidence, care and concern are the very things a pedophile tries to develop when “setting up” future victims. This forces parents, coaches and administrators to walk a very fine line between protecting our children and falsely accusing good people. But, it should also lead all of us to accept and implement certain guidelines that are set in stone and followed without exception. Doing so will go a long way toward protecting our children from that percent of one percent of coaches who want to do them harm and it will protect the nearly one hundred percent of adults involved in youth sports for the right reasons from being falsely accused of inappropriate behavior.

TEN STRATEGIES FOR PROTECTING OUR CHILDREN (and their good coaches)

1. A coach should never be alone with a child, not before practice, not after practice, not during travel.

2. Coaches and athletes should never share hotel rooms when traveling.

3. Coaches should not provide special treatment to one or two athletes compared to the rest of the team. This could be trips to movies or ballgames, gifts, etc.

4. Team sleepovers should be supervised by multiple adults. Use common sense when considering the sex and number of adults supervising this type of activity. Make sure parents are involved.

5. Trust your child’s coach, but not blindly. Trust is something earned, not given. It must be continually earned or it should be taken away.

6. Parents should monitor their child’s relationship with his/her coaches, not in a conspiracy theory, witch-hunt way, but to simply confirm they’ve chosen good people to guide that part of their child’s life.

7. Everyone should report abuse when witnessed. Not hearsay or rumors, but if you witness abuse, REPORT IT!

8. Adults should intervene on behalf of the child when witnessing child abuse (if you can do so safely).

9. Children should understand what constitutes inappropriate touching and know to report it when they see it or experience it.

10. If you are one who is part of that percent of one percent who coach or get involved with youth activities for immoral reasons, please get help.

Note: Although these thoughts are presented in a coach/athlete mode, they can just as easily be applied to many adult/child relationships.

What's Important in Youth Sports - Part 4 (Concl.)

In part one of this series, I asked readers to make a list of benefits our children derive from participating in youth sports and asked that those lists be prioritized from most important to least important. In part 4, I will touch on the benefits of developing friendships and an active lifestyle. These share the potential of becoming life-long benefits and follow parallel paths in the transition from childhood to adulthood.

There are few things in life more valuable than good friends and good health. You could list these as the two greatest benefits of youth sports participation and would get few arguments against your decision.

If playing sports landed you a friend for life, you are blessed, as is your friend. Time works against our children and decreases the odds of maintaining friendships over the long haul. Mobile families, whether moving across town or out of town, are a detriment to long term friendships. Most youth leagues draw athletes from numerous schools and multiple school districts, another hindrance. With many factors working against the development of life-long friendships, it's rare that those relationships survive. But what a great benefit when they do.

Should developing friendships be a priority in little league? YES! This is an area where parents can play a huge role in the world of youth sports without concern over stepping on the toes of coaches, officials or league administrators. Much can be done outside the competition setting to create opportunities for our children to form relationships with their teammates.

Although the odds are against our child athletes developing long term friendships with their teammates, the good news is that the friendships made never completely go away. They are simply pro-rated by time. A few months ago, I was shopping for an appliance and came across a teammate from my little league baseball team. We had played together from the age of nine to thirteen. Now in our fifties, we stood in the store and talked for nearly half an hour about the good ol' days. Even though that team had completed several undefeated seasons, it wasn't the wins and losses we talked about. We talked about our teammates. Our friendship hadn't gone away, it had merely suffered from a separation due to high school, college, family and careers. It had been pro-rated by the other happenings in our lives.

Does participating in youth sports transfer into an active lifestyle as an adult? I have to admit, I've never looked up statistics on this matter. My gut feeling is that child athletes may be more apt to lead active lives as adults, but this benefit is no guarantee.

Like friendships, there are many variables that affect the transition from childhood into adulthood. The health benefits of an active childhood are quickly lost to a sedentary adult lifestyle. An adult must make the choice to be active. That choice is more easily made by someone who's experienced an enjoyable little league or school athletic career. Lifestyle and friendship development face the same negative influences during the transition to adulthood. Anything that pulls us out of the gym or off the field separates us from a healthy, active life. Adolescence, college, starting a career and starting a family are a few of the pulls that come with maturity.

An active adult will more often than not be healthier than a sedentary adult, but activity is not the only piece of the puzzle. Diet, exercise (what type of activity), stress, daily habits and relationships with family and friends are all pieces of the healthy adult puzzle. We, as adults, should develop systems to help us win the battle for good health just as we develop systems for helping us attain our goals at work, coaching a team, etc.

Can our system include the activities we loved as kids? Yes, particularly if we aren't afraid to play like a child. It may be difficult to find eighteen players for a game of baseball, but it only takes three to play 500. When's the last time you bounced a tennis ball off a wall and fielded it on a short hop? A quarterback, receiver and defender are all you need for a game of one-on-one pass and catch. Be creative, like you were as a kid. Find or make up activities that are fun. If other adults say you’re silly for playing these childish games, ask them to join in. Sometimes, acting childish is a very healthy thing for an adult to do.

What is most important to the development of our children, the gratification of short term benefits or the accumulation of life skills and the long term benefits they create? Here's my list of what I feel are the greatest benefits our children will get from youth sports (in rank order).

NUMBER 1: FRIENDSHIP - Friendships may be hard to maintain over time, but the effort to do so is well spent. Even if a close friendship isn't maintained, do your best to decrease the pro-rata of those friendships over time. Crossing paths with old teammates is always a great time. Create opportunities for child athletes to develop friendships.

NUMBER 2: LEARNING GOOD SPORTSMANSHIP - The only difference between being a good sport and being a good person is the setting. Practicing good sportsmanship will help our children develop into good people.

NUMBER 3: DEVELOPING SELF-DISCIPLINE - Everything we do in life is enhanced as we improve our self-discipline. Self-discipline is a skill. It improves with practice and education. Youth sports are an excellent environment for teaching its concepts. Success, in large part, stems from self-discipline or luck. Which do you want guiding your life?

NUMBER 4: HAVING FUN - Having fun is a great benefit of youth sports. It is the web that connects all the benefits. Having fun can lead to friendships, a desire to return to the activity, great family moments and good sportsmanship, to name a few. The "fun gauge" is one tool coaches and parents can use to monitor their child's sports experience (it is not the only tool).

NUMBER 5: ACHIEVING SUCCESS - Youth sports is a great environment for learning the process of being successful. That process can then be used and improved throughout a lifetime. If this was a list of goals for youth sports, rather than benefits, I would place this one much higher. Any child that participates in a sport year-round should be in a program where a system is in place that teaches "success skills" such as goal setting, training systems, self-discipline, etc.

NUMBER 6: LEARNING THE DECISION MAKING PROCESS - Children in sports have ample opportunities to make decisions. In this setting, good decisions lead to success, celebration and a positive learning experience. What's great about youth sports is that a bad decision comes with minor consequences but still creates an opportunity for a positive learning experience. If we allow our children to experience both sides of the decision maker's coin, they will become more adequately prepared for adulthood (or more importantly, for adolescence).

NUMBER 6.1: LEARNING GOAL SETTING AND GOAL ATTAINMENT SKILLS - Okay, I'm cheating a bit on the prioritization, but I believe goal setting, decision making, training choices, etc. go hand-in-hand.

NUMBER 6.2: DEVELOPING SELF-CONFIDENCE - Self confidence is a by-product of good goals, good training and good decisions. It increases with success. Success is affected by all the above.

NUMBER 7: WINNING - Children benefit by winning. It is a rewarding experience and many times it validates the process used to win. But, winning is an easily manipulated concept and pales in comparison to success based on the attainment of goals.

NUMBER 8: WINNING A LOT OF AWARDS - What is the value of an award? Is there value in something that is taken home and put in a box, a drawer, on a shelf or hung on a bulletin board with dozens of other awards? Is the goal to get as many awards as you can, or is the goal to get the award that signifies you've done something successful? Does giving every child in a competition an award mean every child was successful at that particular competition?

I know I'm in the minority on this issue, but I believe the value of an award increases when fewer awards are given. By giving fewer awards our children won't have boxes or bulletin boards full of ribbons and medals, but the ones they have will be meaningful. Assuming a child's self-esteem is bolstered by receiving an award for last place is a concept that needs to be revisited in our industry. We must think of the long term effect on the child. How long will a child remain in a sport if they are repeatedly asked to stand at the bottom of the awards stand. Our children are smart. They know they are in last place (or near last place). Why do we need to give them an award to commemorate that moment. Give them an award for accomplishing a pre-determined goal or four out of five goals for the competition, whatever, just send them home with an award that means something.

Ask your child to go through all their sports awards and pick out the five that mean the most to them. Watch them go through the elimination process. I'd like to hear what you learn from their endeavor.

NUMBER 9: DEVELOPING A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE - Although participating in youth sports may increase the chances of leading an active life as an adult, I believe that influence is small. If more of us were willing to play like children that might change. Boredom is the biggest enemy of persistent exercise. Instead of choosing a treadmill, how about playing kickball, dodgeball or rolling around on a scooter (like you did in elementary school). When's the last time you chased after a frisbee thrown by a friend across the playground? Youth sports serves as a reminder that being active can and should be fun.

So, that's where my 30+ years of coaching children have left my beliefs about the benefits of youth sports participation. I'm sure if I asked a hundred of you to submit your lists, no two would be the same. Feel free to post comments. I'd love to get some feedback and improve my education through your experiences and thoughts.

What's Important in Youth Sports? Part 3

AWARDS and SUCCESS

Awards are plentiful in youth sports as are successful performances. In part one I asked parents and coaches to prioritize a list of benefits our children derive from participating in youth sports. I’ve tried hard not to inject my own beliefs into that process, until now. I believe whole-heartedly that experiencing success is more important than winning awards. I also believe there are ways to make the two congruent.


Why is success more important than awards? First, except for “the biggies” that may go on a mantle or special shelf, awards are temporary. Parents tell me their children have drawers or boxes full of medals and ribbons. The walls of my gym are adorned with years of trophies covered with chalk dust. No one remembers what meets they were from.

Please don’t misunderstand me. Awards are an important part of sports and most times they indicate successful performances. But they are still extrinsic and their effect is short term. Should our children celebrate when they win an award? You bet! They should particularly celebrate the team awards they share with their friends. Friendships are a long term benefit of youth sports participation and being part of a successful team will help friendships develop.

All of us involved in sports should understand that you will not get an award every time you are successful, and not all awards signify success. An average athlete who chooses to compete in a weak league may win a lot of awards. That same athlete, if choosing to compete in a strong league, may win few or no awards. The question we must answer is this, which league is best for developing the child as a whole?

My personal opinion is that choosing to compete in a weaker league simply for the sake of placing higher in the standings is a gamble. Why, because our kids are smart. Most of them will, at some point, see the big picture. At that point, most of what was done to make them feel successful will have been wasted. And even worse, these child athletes will feel as though their parents and coaches, the people they want to please the most, have no confidence in their abilities.

If Susie takes fourth place on the balance beam she may or may not get an award. But, if Susie worked hard all week to improve her cartwheel and then stuck that cartwheel on the beam at the meet, she experienced success. She knows she was successful and she knew it the instant her feet stayed on that beam. She learned something from the process of training that will stick with her. More life skills are developed in the process of training to compete than from the actual competition.

Experiencing success based on goals, whether formal or informal, is a task oriented process. Completing a task or series of tasks is part of that process, along with writing goals and measuring outcomes. The reward for success in this system is learning the process, because that is a life long benefit.

It feels great to win awards. We can all use a little ego bump once in a while. But, how we perform in relationship to our past performance and current goals will provide more meaningful information. We should teach our child athletes to celebrate these successes as much as they celebrate winning a game or placing high in an event. And, we do.

Think about the chronological order of events at a sport competition. When are the awards given? When do athletes receive feedback from their performance, their coaches, their teammates, the crowd and the officials?

Good coaches understand that performance feedback comes first and is controlled by the coach. Sometimes you celebrate. Sometimes you educate. Sometimes you console. Most times you do some of each. I suggest you find something to celebrate and do that first, followed by education or consoling and always finish on a positive note. Feedback concerning the success of a performance will always come before the award for the performance. Because it is more immediate and more closely tied to goals and expectations set by the athlete and coaches, it should create more benefits than the award.

The relationship between awards and task/goal oriented success is not black and white. It is varying shades of grey, based on who’s running the show. If a child is experiencing success based on improvement, progress, goals, what they’re learning AND getting a lot of awards, that’s great. The key is to educate our child athletes about the meaning and value of each. Coaches and parents must first understand that the benefit of winning an award is most often short term, while the benefits derived from being successful in reference to goals, whether formal or informal, are more long term.

How can coaches make pursuing awards and pursuing goals more congruent for our children? Give awards based on attaining goals. The award doesn’t have to be fancy, but should have meaning. If the Panthers spend their weekend winning a basketball tournament and get a trophy for doing so, that’s great. They should celebrate that victory. With every moment that passes, that trophy will have less and less value in terms of motivation and the learning it represents. If at the first practice after the tournament, Johnny gets to stick a big red star on a chart showing that he met his goal of having three steals during the game, and sticks another big red star on a chart for making over fifty percent of his shots during the tournament, his coach has provided an award based on past performance and current goals. This process helps Johnny develop some valuable skills.

Winning awards and experiencing success based on goal attainment are both benefits of participating in sports. Because attaining goals creates more long term benefits than simply winning an award, it will always be placed higher on my list of priorities.

Part four will cover the benefits of developing friendships and lifelong fitness habits. And, I will post my list.

WHAT'S IMPORTANT IN YOUTH SPORTS? Part 2

Part two in this series will focus on the benefits of learning goal setting, goal attainment, self-discipline, decision making skills and the development of self-confidence. I have chosen the topics for part two based on their commonalities and the over-lapping skill sets they share. Developing good goal setting skills and self-discipline can increase goal attainment. Decision making skills, good or bad are the foundation our children will build these skills upon. With success in these areas, self-confidence soars.  Click here to read Part 1.

SELF-DISCIPLINE AND MAKING DECISIONS

The Encarta Dictionary defines self-discipline as: the ability to do what is necessary or sensible without needing to be urged by somebody else. A self-disciplined person will choose to do what’s right and act in a way that is congruent with that decision.

The very act of participating in youth sports develops self-discipline and decision making skills, particularly in team sports. If Johnny is on first base and Jimmy hits the ball, Johnny must run or be put out. Johnny has been taught by his coaches that if he’s on first base and the ball is hit on the ground, he should run to second. He has the knowledge and ability he needs to make the right decision.

This is a simple example of learning self-discipline. Johnny had only two choices, run to second base or be put out. For a five year old playing T-ball, this is a good lesson. If Johnny was on second base with no one on first base when the ball is hit on the ground, he would have several options and a more difficult decision to make.

For a child to benefit by learning self-discipline, coaches and parents must allow them to make decisions in situations where they are prepared with proper knowledge and ability. We must gauge the decision the child may be asked to make against their preparation and decide whether to let them make the decision or use the situation as a teachable moment. If a coach is going to make the decision, an explanation as to why they had the child do what they did is a good lesson. This lesson will increase the chance of the child being prepared to make the decision the next time they are in a similar situation.

It’s crucial to understand that self-discipline is not self-taught, only self-administered. Self-discipline is learned, it improves with practice, training, education and experience. All of these can be provided by a child’s parents, coaches and teachers.

Parents and coaches are part of a child’s adult support system that will teach the child right and wrong. If we are to expect our children to make the right decisions, we must educate them as to what is right and wrong. Parents should be diligent in their efforts to choose coaches who teach or at least reinforce the family values being taught at home. Children should be encouraged to consult with people they trust when they aren’t sure what the right decision is in a particular situation.

We cannot expect our children and athletes to be perfect when making decisions. They are going to make mistakes. Youth sports allows children to make decisions, make mistakes and learn from those mistakes in an environment where the consequences are minimal, making it a great opportunity for teaching those skills. No matter the age, our children can be developing their decision making skills. They can learn to gather information, analyze the information and decide what to do next. If the decision doesn’t create the desired result, they can consider why and hopefully use that knowledge to make a different and better choice the next time.

GOAL SETTING AND GOAL ATTAINMENT

Setting goals is a skill. It’s what I call a crossover skill, one that can be applied to all aspects of your life. An individual who is adept at goal setting can make their life simple, organized and successful. With proper goals we can eliminate a lot of effort toward peripheral, non-essential activities, and we can focus on forward progress and follow a streamlined path to success.

We all set goals. When we go to the grocery store, the goal is to buy food to feed the family. When a coach prepares for the season he sets goals. A coach may set formal goals for the team and use charts and testing to measure completion of the goals. A shopping list is a form of goal setting. When the shopper checks the list before entering the check out lane, they are measuring their success.

Because we all use goals, it makes sense to continually improve our goal setting skills. The goal setting process is really quite simple. Decide what you want to accomplish, write it down, make sure it is measurable, look it over to see if there are some intermediary goals that can be written to help in attaining the original goal (there probably will be). This is followed by training, learning, building or doing whatever is needed before measuring results to see if the goal is accomplished. If the goal is attained, great, write a new goal. If the results don’t match the desired outcome, determine why and write a new goal. This flows in a cycle, write a goal, train, measure the outcome, write a goal, train, measure the outcome. You can read more about this cycle at this link: Progressive Motivation Cycle.

Youth sports are a perfect environment for teaching goal setting skills. It’s easy to write progressive, appropriate, measurable goals in a sports setting. Every drill, every activity, every practice, every game, every season should have goals, some formal with charted results and some “quick-hitters” where recording results aren’t necessary.

A key to success, in most endeavors and particularly in youth sports, is writing appropriate goals. Goals should not be too easy or too hard. They should be progressive, moving from point A to B to C. They need to be easily understood and measurable. For inexperienced athletes, coaches should be heavily involved in the goal setting process. As athletes become more adept at setting goals, the coach will become more of an adviser and a resource for information needed to set appropriate goals.

Good coaches want to develop independent athletes who know what they want to accomplish in their sport. Coaches who succeed at this create the hazard of losing touch with the athlete’s goals. As athletes become more skilled at setting goals and, therefore more independent in the goal setting process, it becomes imperative that goals are written and understood by the athlete, coach and parent. Athletes will attain goals most consistently when all involved understand the desired outcome of training.

Goal attainment (or not) will be based largely on the training process. Coaches should have systems in place that provide a streamlined path toward the athlete’s goals. These systems should focus on forward progress and help avoid time spent on unnecessary tasks. Although individualization is a must for good coaching, a coach shouldn’t reinvent the wheel each time a new goal is written. With experience and time, a coach or organization will meet new goals with methods, processes and systems already in place, decreasing the randomness of training and increasing the chances of goal attainment.

There is a process for being successful. Proper goal setting and good training systems are the major players in this process. These can be learned and practiced in a sport setting and carried over to the real world for a lifetime of success.

THE BENEFITS

Developing the skills mentioned above create obvious benefits. It’s essential to understand that these skills improve with practice and thought. The education never stops. The less obvious benefit of learning these skills and the most exciting to watch in children is an increase in self-confidence.

It’s hard to measure self-confidence in an objective way, but you can see it when you watch children play and compete. Real, genuine self-confidence comes from making good decisions and attaining goals on a regular basis. These things create success and success increases confidence.

"One important key to success is self-confidence.

An important key to self-confidence is preparation."

-Arthur Ashe

FINDING THE GOOD IN YOUTH SPORTS

As many of us near our state, regional and national championships, I felt compelled to reprint my first post from nearly a year ago.  Although it's simple and short, I feel it's my best.

FINDING THE GOOD IN YOUTH SPORTS
While much discussion and printed material concerned with youth sports focuses on negative issues and circumstances, let us not forget what’s good in the world of youth sports. As is usually the case in life, good things evolve from the involvement of good people. Caring, enthusiastic, and energetic people are abundant on the fields, courts and in the gyms of our children. Look around and you’ll see them.

You may have to look hard at first because the negative influences tend to be more visible. But, keep looking and you’ll soon realize that the good is the majority, an overwhelming majority. Watch the coaches, parents, and officials. Do you see the smiles, the support, and the caring attitude that so many bring to the sports setting? Can you see past the frustrated and the overzealous? If you can, you’ll find the role models that make children’s sports such a fantastic learning experience.

Look at yourself. Take some time to consider your actions and the behaviors you model for the children in your life. When others look for the good in youth sports will they find you? If you’re dedicated to youth sports enough to have found this blog, I’m guessing the answer to that question is yes.

I’m excited to be blogging on the topic of youth sports. I don’t consider myself to be an expert, but I do consider myself to be experienced. I’ve had some great achievements and I’ve made plenty of mistakes. After thirty plus years of coaching, I have some definite thoughts about what’s right with youth sports, why we love sports and how we can help our kids love them too.

What's Important in Youth Sports? Part 1

What benefits do we as coaches and parents want our children to derive from participation in youth sports? What would the following list look like if you prioritized it from most important to least important? Give it some thought and give it a try. Really, take a few minutes to give each line some thought, decide if it is more or less important than the others and make a list.


Winning
Having fun
Learning goal setting and goal attainment skills
Developing self-discipline
Learning the decision making process
Developing friendships
Achieving success
Winning a lot of awards
Learning good sportsmanship
Developing self confidence
Developing a healthy lifestyle
Choose 2 or 3 of your own and insert them wherever you’d like


This is the first part of a four part series on these topics.


Winning


How important is winning? If the goal in sports is to score more points than the other team, shouldn’t athletes and coaches focus on achieving that goal? Is it wrong to try your best to win a game or competition? Winning a game is an appropriate goal if a child plays within the rules of the game and the guidelines of good sportsmanship. Since the nature of sports is to win the competition by scoring more (or less) points, children should be encouraged to give their best effort toward that endeavor.

Before going further into this discussion, we must first distinguish between being a winner, winning a competition and being successful. The team that scores the most points in a game wins the game. In that instance the players on that team are the winners. Being a winner is defined as somebody or something that wins a competition or somebody or something that is or seems likely to become very successful or popular. By definition, an athlete can be a winner without winning the competition. It’s no wonder parents and coaches are often confused or misguided about how to use these terms. This confusion can be detrimental to children and greatly decrease the benefits of participating in youth sports.

The best advice for adults is to “tell it like it is.” If Suzy’s team scored more goals than Sally’s team, Suzy can be told that her team won the game. Sally can be told that her team lost. Sally is not going to suffer permanent psychological damage from hearing this. In actuality, she will be more psychologically balanced by understanding the win/loss dichotomy.

According to the definitions presented above, it’s possible that Suzy could be told she’s a winner because her team scored more goals than the other team, and Sally could be told she’s a winner because she blocked six shots on goal and refrained from turning cartwheels while the play was at the other end of the field. Assuming these were previously discussed goals.

Coaches and parents should be cautious when telling an athlete they lost the game, but they are a winner. Explaining how Sally was successful in attaining her goals even though her team lost the game would be a better choice of terms. Keep in mind that long term goals should be based on the desires of the athlete and short term training goals should be set by coaches. In order to provide the best feedback, parents need to be aware of the goals.

By helping our athletes understand winning, losing and being successful by using terminology that isn’t confusing, we will allow ourselves to do a couple more great things. First, we can keep score at little league games!!!  I’ve never understood why we tell our children the goal is to make as many baskets as possible in the given amount of time and then we tell them we aren’t going to count how many baskets they make. Talk about confusing. Second, when our children understand winning, losing and being successful, we will have more opportunities to teach good sportsmanship. The difference between being a good person and being a good sport is only the setting. By teaching good sportsmanship, we are teaching good people skills.


Having Fun


Yes, this is the most important goal in youth sports participation, but is it the greatest benefit? That’s for you to decide. I look at it this way. The benefit of having fun is short term unless coupled with something that is long term, such as developing friendships or a desire to return to the activity.

The value of having fun decreases if taken in the context of the moment. In this case, once a child changes activities, the fun is gone. No matter how much fun I was having playing sports as a child, when I was called in for dinner and saw spinach waiting on the table, fun was no longer a thought.

There’s nothing wrong with participating for the fun of the moment and youth sports, when done right, will create a lot of fun. That in itself is worth the effort to play. In reality, fun most often leads to friendships and a desire to return to the activity.

Coaches, parents and league administrators should keep in mind that each child will have their own idea of what’s fun. What’s fun for one child may not be considered as fun for another child. What’s fun one day may not be as fun the next day. Winning can be fun. Running, jumping, throwing, catching and kicking can all be fun. Sitting on the bench and talking to your best friend can be fun. If we recognize where our children’s joy comes from, we can do a better job of increasing that joy and attaching fun to long term benefits.


Learning Good Sportsmanship


I’ve chosen winning, having fun and learning good sportsmanship for the first part of this series because they are very much intertwined. Good sportsmanship leads to more fun. Bad sportsmanship leads to less fun. Winning with good sportsmanship is a great thing. Losing with good sportsmanship can also be a great thing. Winning without having fun or winning combined with poor sportsmanship eliminates the benefits that should be created through youth sports.

The key to having fun in youth sports and properly managing winning and losing lies in how people react to the game or competition. These reactions, from players, coaches, parents and officials are called sportsmanship. If a person’s reactions are positive and good, they are a good sport.

How do children learn good sportsmanship? From the people they watch in sports settings. What’s the difference between being a good sport and being a good person? The answer is the setting. A good person in a sports setting is a good sport. When it comes to learning good sportsmanship, who has the most influence on our children? Our potential to influence children is a combination of admiration, respect and time. If our children admire athletes they see on TV, the way those athletes behave will influence our children’s sportsmanship. The same is true for the people our children respect. This could be coaches, teachers, family members or friends. And, time plays a role in a person’s potential influence on children.


Fortunately, parents have the tools to control most of the factors influencing their child’s sportsmanship education. A parent can add commentary to end zone celebrations seen on TV. A discussion about the difference between Barry Sanders respectfully handing the ball to the official following touchdowns and Terrell Owens pulling a Sharpie from his sock to autograph the ball may keep a child from making a poor choice in their next game.


Our children spend a lot of time with teachers and coaches. Parents can, and should play an active role in choosing these people. If your sports league doesn’t allow you to choose your child’s coaches, choose another league. Sports skills, scores and trophies aren’t nearly as important as the role models your child will be following. If you’re not allowed to choose your coach, you should at least have the opportunity to get to know the assigned coach before committing to a team.


Children’s respect for others will be based on what they’ve been taught is important. Children should have a strong sense of family values, what’s right, what’s wrong, etc. before becoming involved in sports. It’s important that parents seek role models who reinforce the lessons being taught at home.




NEXT TIME
Part 2: The benefits of learning goal setting and goal attainment skills
Developing self-discipline
Learning the decision making process
Developing self-confidence

Great Moments in Youth Sports

Coaches, parents and sports fans probably have a few recollections of sports history made by chlidren. Nadia is a legend and still known by her first name thirty four years after scoring the first perfect ten in Olympic history as a fourteen year old. Although the Olympics are hardly a youth sports activity, Nadia's age at the time of competition would most definitely be considered young. Every year celebrations following a Little League World Series championship game are broadcast throughout the world.


These are great and historic moments on a global level. But, the truly great moments in youth sports are the day to day interactions between child athletes and the significant adults in their lives, parents in particular.

Greatness is determined on a personal level. What's great to a five year old soccer player may be different than what is considered as great by a high school soccer player. Remembering this simple principle can help parents and coaches enrich the sports experience for their children and athletes.

A great moment for our children is one that affects them personally in a positive way. These could be as simple as Grandma and Grandpa showing up for a t-ball game or as detailed as accomplishing the final step in reaching a long-term goal.

Significant adults in a child's life influence that child's perception of good vs. bad, great vs. terrible and important vs. unimportant. Children watch adults and how they react to situations. They give value to a happening in large part based on the reactions it draws from adults.

Consider these two scenarios. Suzy scores a goal and looks over to see her Mom jump out of her lawn chair clapping and cheering. Sally scores a goal and while running toward the sideline with her arms up in celebration, sees her Mom sitting in her lawn chair reading a book. Each girl scored a goal, but what will each bring away from the experience?

Adults have the ability to make every moment a great moment. Good performances are easy to celebrate. Average performances are sprinkled with moments of greatness, find them and celebrate them. A poor performance can lead to a great moment when parents show their children unconditional love. If a hug is the family tradition following a good game, it should follow a bad game as well. Be consistent with actions that say "how you play does not affect how I feel about you."

Coaches, parents and teammates' parents are role models and their behavior, more than their words, will affect the children on a team. Adults should think before they react with the first goal being to do no harm, in other words, watch your mouth. This should be quickly followed by providing positive experiences for the children involved. These experiences could be as simple as "good catch Johnny" or as involved as a sustained life lesson such as reinforcing persistence or improved self-discipline.

Children will learn from our non-reactions as well as our reactions. How would you like your child to react to what appears to be a bad call by an official? Consistently model the behavior you would like to see and your child will likely choose the same behavior. In the case of a perceived bad call, a non-reaction may be the best reaction.

Many great moments in youth sports happen naturally, but every moment can be a great one if handled properly by the adults involved. No one expects parents and coaches to be perfect, but it is reasonable to expect them to give every effort possible to make the most of all situations.

Behavior - Education vs. Rules and Consequences

We choose how we behave and our behavior comes with consequences. If we eat properly and exercise, we will benefit with better health, the ability to lead an active lifestyle and do more with our time. If we study, either formerly, or informally, we will be more educated. And, of course, misbehavior typically comes with negative consequences. Choosing to behave appropriately is an educational process. We learn what good behavior is and then we choose to behave that way (or not).
I’ve never been a big believer in rules with consequences. I understand they are necessary and I have rules at my gym that we follow and that have consequences. The larger the rulebook, the more police action necessary to monitor those rules and apply consequences. As coaches, we have enough to do without being the “gym police.”

In general, I expect each of my gymnasts to work hard, work smart, be a good person and behave appropriately. Natural consequences occur based on how much or how little these expectations are performed. If you work hard and smart, you will improve. If you’re a good person, you will have good friends and earn respect from those who know you. If you behave appropriately, you will be trusted.

If one of our goals as coaches is to help prepare our athletes to be great adults, then behavioral education should take priority over rules and consequences. We must teach our students appropriate behavior and help them understand why it’s important to act a certain way.

A Light Bulb Over My Head
Every now and then, I get criticized for not having more definite rules and consequences. Over the last couple weeks, some happenings at my gym have helped me more clearly understand why I’ve always been a “not too many rules” kind of person. For months my staff and I have been trying to improve the attendance habits of our gymnasts. A lot of girls were showing up a few minutes late every day and missing practice without good reason. So, I put an envelope on a bulletin board for each girl. Inside the envelopes were three cards. When a gymnast was late to practice, the green card was dated and sent home to be signed by a parent and returned the next practice. A yellow card was sent home when a practice was missed, and a blue card was sent when a practice had to be modified due to injury, emotions or attitude. Penny, who is always at the front desk, got to hear “There’s no way I can get my daughter here on time.” “What happens if we miss too much practice?” “Please don’t punish my daughter for being late. It’s not her fault.” In an effort to save Penny from all the questions, I put out a note to my gymnast’s parents explaining the card system. It was while I was writing this note that I more clearly understood why I’ve never had lots of rules with consequences. Here’s the note:

FOLGER’S GYMNASTICS TEAM – ATTENDANCE POLICIES

Helping our gymnasts develop good habits that will carry over into the adult world and be a benefit for life is a priority at Folger’s. There are few habits that will affect a person’s life more than their habits toward attendance. A person’s reputation is very much affected by their attendance habits.

Good attendance says these things about a person:
* What I’m doing is important to me.
* The people I’m participating with are important to me (my team, my co-workers, my company, my boss, etc.).
* I’m dedicated to this activity (gymnastics, work, school, church, family).
* I respect other people’s time.
* I am trustworthy. You can count on me.
* I have learned a significant amount of self-discipline.
* Doing what’s right is a priority for me.
* Etc.

Here is what we see as good attendance habits:
- Be on time to practice, meets, events, snack breaks, everything that’s scheduled into your day.
- Be at every activity you have committed yourself to.
- Don’t leave early from your activities.
- Participate fully while you’re in attendance.
- Let Mark or Penny know when you can’t do these things (before they happen).

Since we see attendance as a learning experience, we don’t have rules and policies that are set in stone. Our goal is to make sure that all involved (gymnasts, coaches, and parents) are well informed about the attendance habits of the gymnast and working together to make those good habits. Poor attendance habits will create consequences. Top among that list is a decrease in performance quality. Next on the list is a loss of trust and respect from teammates, coaches and others involved. These are natural consequences that come from not being punctual or committed to an activity.

The Card System

Green Card – “I was late to gym.” This card will come home to be signed by a parent each time a gymnast is late to practice. It should be signed and returned at the very next practice.

The Yellow Card – “I missed gym.” This card will come home after the gymnast misses a scheduled practice. It should be signed and returned at the next practice.

The Blue Card – “I modified my practice.” This card will come home when a gymnast modifies their workout due to aches and pains, injuries, emotions or attitude. It’s not a measurement of whether or not they complete their assigned workout. The blue card’s purpose is to monitor how often a coach must modify a gymnast’s workout due to these reasons. It should be signed and returned at the next practice.

Our attendance policies are all about education. Getting accurate information to all involved speeds the education process, and that’s our goal. Obviously, if a gymnast has poor attendance habits and can’t change them, she will be asked to leave the team. Children learn a lot from seeing the consequences that come to people who behave in ways that are not appropriate. Therefore, it would be a disservice to all our girls to allow one gymnast to continue poor attendance habits without an effort to improve.

GREAT EXPECTATIONS

As parents and coaches, what expectations do we put on our children? How do our expectations affect our children? It’s been my experience that one of the major causes of dropout in youth sports is children not believing they can live up to the expectations of the adults they are trying to please. But, as anyone who’s spent time educating children will tell you, kids have an uncanny ability to perform to high expectations. So, where does that leave coaches, parents and educators? How do we use high expectations to best serve the children we are coaching without stepping over the line to a point where the kids feel our expectations are beyond their ability?

Try remembering this saying and the L.I.K.E. acronym:

In order to teach a child, we must L.I.K.E. the child.

Listen to the Child

Inform the Child

Know the Child

Evaluate the Child

If we can do these four things, we will have the knowledge we need to keep our expectations at a level that motivates our kids without causing the hopeless or incompetent feelings that come with over-expectations.

LISTEN to the child. Find out what they want to get out of an experience. All children, no matter how young, have some idea of what they want in a particular situation. Listen to what they say and also pay attention to what their body language says. Remember, a smile says a lot without making a sound. If what you’re teaching is getting smiles, you’re probably on the right path. Encourage open communication. Your athletes should be able to come to you and say “I’m not comfortable with that” knowing they will get a supportive reply from you.

INFORM the child. Coaches are guides. Athletes come to us with goals in mind and want us to guide them in a way that will help them accomplish those goals. Informed athletes set more appropriate goals. Since we are the experts, we will provide most of the information our students need to help them determine where they want their sports experience to take them. We should give information freely, while being cautious not to impose our goals and expectations on the athlete.

KNOW the child. The more you get to know a child, the more easily you will be able to read their emotional states and be able to interpret their posture and body language into information that will help you guide them to success. Pay attention to your athletes before and after practices and competitions. Get a feel for their personality so that you can pick up on cues that something is not normal. If coaches or parents are over-expecting of a child, you may sense that in how the athlete trains, their energy level during practice, their posture, or their positive vs. negative attitude. Try to envision your expectations from the child’s perspective. A quote floats around in my head that goes something like this “there is no reality, only perception.” I’m not sure what famous person said it, maybe Dr. Phil. But, the point is that each person’s perception is their reality. Two people will see the same situation differently and each will accept their version as what’s real. While coaching Suzy and Sally, who are at similar ability levels, you may tell them you’d like to see them do cartwheels with straight arms and legs. Suzy may think “wow, I have a coach who wants me to improve my cartwheel and is telling me how.” At the same time, Sally may be thinking “Is he crazy! Straight arms AND straight legs. I don’t think so.”

EVALUATE the child. To keep our expectations at a healthy level, we must have a clearly defined evaluation system. Education is always progressive. With a consistent evaluation system a teacher or coach will be tuned in to the students progress, and therefore, be able to establish expectations that are challenging and in line with what the athlete wants to accomplish.

As coaches, we know kids “rise to the occasion” and typically live up to high expectations. We also know there is a line where high, challenging expectations become perceived as hopelessly impossible to achieve. Keeping our expectations at a healthy level is like climbing a mountain (with children) knowing there is a cliff at the top. We must climb the mountain, but stay away from the cliff. Fortunately, with proper training and a progressive curriculum, we can keep that cliff at a safe distance while continuing to climb.

WHAT’S RIGHT WITH YOUTH SPORTS?

     What’s right with youth sports, a lot, mostly the people, and in particular, parents. In the early stages of sports participation, the most important people involved are the parents of the young athletes. Parents play a large role in what sports their children will participate in, what organizations they will be involved with, and who will be coaching their children. They are the chauffer, wardrobe specialist, nutritionist, psychologist, personal manager and quite often the coach for their budding sports enthusiasts. They are the unsung heroes of little league.

     Of all the roles a little league parent performs, which is the most important? While many will disagree with this next statement, I’m going to say it anyway. The most important day to day role of a parent in youth sports (or any children’s activity) is the role of chauffer.  I know this seems to trivialize the parents' role, but consider these things before letting that thought take root. 

     One of the greatest benefits of sport participation is learning to develop good habits. With most of our lives scheduled to the minute, what is more important than habitually being on time and always fulfilling the time commitment we’ve made to a job, organization or team? Since children’s arrivals and departures are dependent on parents, their habits of being early or being late, fulfilling their time commitment or not, will come from their parents.

     Drive time gives parents an excellent opportunity to talk to their children with few distractions.  Communication is a key ingredient in the parent/child relationship. Take advantage of chauffer time to fulfill your duties as a nutritionist, personal manager, good listener, etc.  While your wearing the chauffer hat you have a captive audience.  Today's vehicles are rolling entertainment centers.  Do your best to eliminate some of the built in distractions that causes and spend some time talking and listening to your children and their friends.  Most children appreciate a pleasant conversation with Mom or Dad over watching a DVD on a nine inch screen.

     So, parents, relax. One of the greatest life lessons learned from sports comes from simply getting your children to and from practice and competitions on time. It’s simple, it’s easy, it’s necessary, it’s a basic ingredient in a successful lifestyle and it creates opportunities to talk (or just listen) to your children.  Keep up the good work!

Exceptional Student/Athletes! How do They do it?

How does a high school student train twenty hours a week in a sport, travel ten to eleven weekends a year to competitions, maintain a 4.0 GPA with honors classes, and become valedictorian of her class? I’m not sure, but I’ve seen it happen several times. Those of you reading this blog, I’m sure, are aware of the incredible children we see in sports. I am constantly amazed by the maturity of children and particularly teenagers who are involved in gymnastics.

How do they do it? What motivates them? Have they learned something we can teach all children to help them be more successful? Are these student/athletes pre-disposed at birth to have this kind of maturity and success or are their extraordinary accomplishments due to skills and knowledge learned from parents, teachers, coaches and mentors? If these are learned skills, what can we do to teach them to the masses? Which skills are most important?

Looking at the three valedictorians and the several near valedictorians I’ve had on my team recently, I see some commonalities. Of course, time management is near the top of the list of skills and habits. It is the web that holds the big picture together. Each of these girls are “ahead of the game” in self-discipline, something you would expect. Obviously, they have above average intelligence. They all sacrificed some social time, but not their social life. They are goal-oriented and seem to have a clear picture of what they want to do with their life earlier than most girls. They have a great sense of priority. Perhaps the one characteristic that sets them apart from most was their love of a challenge, in particular, the challenge of learning, whether gymnastics, calculus, anatomy or all of these. The knowledge gained from an activity was a motivator, but the process of learning, the thrill of learning something new and attaining goals seemed to be what drove them to success. The world of psychology would call them task-oriented.

Task oriented people gauge their success based on effort and how much they improve their skills or increase their knowledge. Winning and social acceptance are less motivating than learning from the process of performing the task, including their mistakes. Don’t get me wrong, task oriented people are competitive. Competition motivates them because it is a learning experience and a chance for social interaction. But, finishing in first place and gaining social recognition is not the driving force behind their participation. I believe this plays a key role in their stability, and therefore, their perseverance as students and athletes. People who are primarily motivated by winning and gaining social recognition (things that boost their ego) are more likely to ride a roller coaster of emotions causing them to enjoy activities less and drop out earlier than task oriented individuals. A person or team can not win all the time. Social recognition is fleeting and not guaranteed even if you are winning. I would almost argue that a person who wins most competitions may pay a social price due to jealousy.

So, is there something we can do, as coaches and parents to develop these traits, habits, skills and desires in our athletes and children? Yes!

We should focus on the process of learning more than the outcome, set goals based on this principle and teach our children to determine success based on those goals. Outcome goals are also necessary, but should be tied closely to the process goals. These outcome goals should be a tool to measure if the process is working the way we want it to. We should consistently reward effort and improvement rather than the final score. Effort and improvement are largely controlled by the athlete, but the final score is affected by many variables outside the athlete’s control. We should create an environment where mistakes are considered part of the learning process and will not be punished.

Why should we want our children to be task oriented? They will enjoy participation more. They will persevere in activities. Their determination of success will be largely under their own control, making the path to a successful future more clear. They will experience the thrill of learning and will be motivated by effort and improvement. Hard work, self-motivation, self-discipline, fun and more enjoyable participation all seem to follow the task oriented person.

But, what about those things that boost our ego, do we have to ignore them? Like most things in life, being at the extreme is not good. So, my answer to this question is, no. Don’t ignore the scores or the social recognition, just keep them in perspective and don’t allow them to dominate your child or athletes desire for participation and for learning.

These super student/athletes love to learn, whether in sports or academics. Much of that is innate, but it can be enhanced by the motivational environment they are exposed to. As parents and coaches, we influence that environment.

First, Do No Harm

As a young coach I made a mistake that taught me a lesson I remember to this day.  I had been coaching a young boy in a recreational gymnastics class for a number of weeks.  He was working hard, I was working hard, but he just wasn't picking up any new skills.  One day in a moment of frustration I made a comment under my breath about his inability to learn.  My stupidity immediately hit me like a ton of bricks.  I spun around, and was thankful to see that no one had heard what I said.  My feeling of relief was tremendous and equalled the disappointment in myself.  What if he had heard me?  I would have never forgotten the harm I caused that child (I haven't forgotten the incident even though there was no harm done).  What if any of the other boys had heard me?  After all, I was a role model for the group. 

I didn't sleep well for a few days.  I began to realize that success is relative to the individual and that past performance and current goals play a large role in determining success.  While success for my class 3 boys team was learning double backs off high bar, success for this boy was learning how to stand up from a forward roll without putting his hands on the floor.  I began looking forward to next weeks class.  That student deserved more from me and I wanted very badly to give him more.  When he made that roll we celebrated, just like we did for the double backs.  From that point on, he experienced success more often.  He didn't stay with gymnastics long.  It was hard for him.  But, I hope he learned something good from his time in the sport.  I know I did.

A hundred successes won't make up for one incident that does harm to a child.  I was lucky.  My mistake was only noticed by myself.  I hope others learn from my mistake and understand the first mandate of a good coach will be to do no harm.  All other goals should follow.

Mother's Day & What My Parents Taught Me About Coaching

I've been educating myself as a coach for 30+ years only to find that the best things I bring to coaching I learned from my parents.  I'm always saying how my core philosophy has changed very little over the years.  I've sometimes wondered, if I'm constantly educating myself to improve my coaching skills and tools, why that core philosophy hasn't changed more.  Maybe it's because the most important lessons I try to teach in my gym are lessons I learned before deciding to become a coach, lessons learned from experiences provided by my parents while I was a child.  For example;

If you choose to do something, do it with full effort. What I heard from my parents was "if something is worth doing, it's worth doing right." When Nike came out with its "Just Do It" ad campaign, we quickly converted it to "Don't Just Do It, Do It Right" and it has become a mainstay slogan in our gym.

Unless there was an emergency, I was on time to every game and practice.  By emergency, I mean something like a car accident.

I may not get this one quite right, but it goes something like this "clean under your own doorstep before cleaning under others."  In other words, if you're going to criticize, look at yourself first.

I don't ever remember my parents yelling at an umpire, referee or official. I do remember them making a point that the parents who did were wrong in doing so.
Successful people are self-disciplined.  Do what's right because it's right.  Don't do something wrong just because you won't get caught.  It's still wrong.

My parents didn't try to coach me, unless I asked.  But, if the desire was there on my part, they made every effort possible to support my efforts, including building a pole vault box in the ground in our backyard so I could learn to pole vault.

Admit when you're wrong.

Treat people right.  I grew up in the baby-boom era and my neighborhood was full of kids.  This message was reinforced in every house on the block. 

The feeling you get from doing a good deed is reward enough.  So, do good when you can, without expecting anything in return.

If you cause someone pain, either physically or emotionally, you apologize and do everything in your power to resolve the situation.  And, you shouldn't make the same mistake again.

Hard work pays off. My Dad was a Safeway store manager and sixty hour work weeks were pretty normal. He'd cut back to thirty or forty hours if it was his vacation week (unless we could get him to go somewhere for vacation).

Success isn't based on WHAT a person does.  People with similar jobs do similar tasks.  Success comes from HOW you do those tasks and the standards you expect from yourself and others around you.

The most important coaching lesson I learned from my parents was to be a good role model.  People learn more from the way you act than from what you say.  My parents were great role models for me and my siblings and they were great role models for the kids who grew up with us. 

I no longer wonder why my core philosophy toward coaching has changed very little over the years.  Although my knowledge and skills as a coach have improved, the foundation that supports those has been in place for a long time.  That foundation was there for me irregardless of the career I chose.  My brother and sister have built careers on the same foundation.  When I strip away all the sports skills I teach and look underneath to see what I've taught my athletes that will benefit them for a lifetime, I hope to find this foundation.

Me and My Gymnasts. Sometimes I'm teaching them. Sometimes they're teaching me.

Awhile back one of my best gymnasts seemed to be lacking intensity at practice. She was typically a hard worker and had been very successful the last few years. But, for a few weeks she had been hard to motivate. She was still getting a lot done during her training time, and doing well at competitions (high 37’s and low 38’s). But, she wasn’t her usual self. So, of course, I was trying to figure out why. Maybe she’s bored, I thought. She’s been a level 10 since eighth grade (she’s now a junior). Maybe she’s getting a big head, a case of over-confidence. She has had three very successful seasons in a row and has committed to a top college. Four local TV stations have done pieces about her, with interviews. Maybe she’s just getting lazy.  Or, maybe because of her immense talent and successful competitions, she thinks its okay to coast along.


One day I casually mentioned to her that we needed to step up the intensity and get it back to where it used to be. Several days later when things hadn’t changed, I called her over and talked to her a little more in-depth about maintaining her standards, setting appropriate goals, and that while she was coasting, other gymnasts were improving (typical coach-talk).


Her reply didn’t surprise me, but the emotion that came with the reply did. The content of her response was “I’m trying the best I can. I’m doing everything you ask me to do. I’ve got three honors classes that are keeping me up late. I’m training twenty hours a week. I almost never miss practice. I’m taking extra classes to graduate early.” The emotion in her reply seemed to say “why don’t you believe me. This conversation is upsetting me.”


My response to that was something like “it’s not going to get any easier in college. Your professors and college coaches aren’t going to listen to reasons why you aren’t getting things done, they’ll just expect you to get them done.” I should have immediately slapped myself on the forehead and said “duh, good response coach.”


I spent the rest of that night and the next day thinking about how poorly I had handled the situation. A week later, I can still see her face and feel the emotion from when she said “I’m doing the best I can.” And, I now believe she was. Maybe she should have said “listen old man, you’re not seeing the whole picture here.” She would have been right.


Some of the points I was trying to make were valid. College is not always easy and college athletes need to be organized, prepared, and diligent in their effort to succeed in their sport and in the classroom. There was no doubt that her intensity had dropped off a bit. But, dealing with those things weren’t the lessons that needed to be taught at that moment. The lesson that needed to be taught at that moment was delivered TO me, not FROM me. I’ve coached this gymnast since she was six years old. I should have trusted her. All I needed to do was ask her why things had changed over the last few weeks. The best solution would have come from good communication, not accusation. If her intensity in the gym had dropped off a percent or two it was very likely that she had stepped it up a few percentage points in her schoolwork.  The balance between those is not always perfect.  The two tend to ebb and flow together.  An important lesson that she is learning.  Unbeknownst to her, her emotion-filled reaction in this situation was a good lesson for me. I hope I learned enough to get an “A”.

ADDED AUGUST, 2011
This gymnast did graduate from high school early.  She left Wichita in December to join the University of Alabama gymnastics team.  In April, three of the twenty scores used by the Alabama team to win the NCAA National Championships were hers.  In May, she walked with her high school class at graduation as an NCAA National Champion.

Never Give Up on a Child

Coaches, teachers, parents, administrators, and counselors should never give up on a child. Children need and want guidance. They may not act like it, but they do. They may not overtly accept the bits of wisdom given to them by the adults in their lives and they may not act like the role models in their lives, but they are learning from both.

Many times after practice I have thought there is nothing more I can do for a child because (any of these reasons):

She doesn’t want to be here.
She doesn’t listen.
She can’t make corrections.
She doesn’t understand what we’re trying to accomplish.
She’s lazy.
She’s easily distracted (and, therefore, becomes a distraction).
She’s afraid of her skills.
She’s given up on herself.

I’ll admit. There have been times when I thought some of my gymnasts should give up the sport and do something else. Then I came to my senses and asked myself WHY some of the things on this list may be true. Why doesn’t she want to be at practice? Why is she easily distracted? Why is she not progressing?



There are a lot of variables that play a role in an athlete’s success/failure and persistence/dropout. I like to visualize these variables on a bar graph, each variable with its own level of competence. If an athlete is frustrated, unmotivated, and just not having fun, the cause is likely rooted in one of the areas represented by a low bar on the graph.


I’ve heard these thousands of times (and I’ve said them myself), “she just doesn’t listen” or “she just isn’t flexible” or “she’s lazy” or the one that inspired this blog post “I just don’t know what to do for her until she fixes (insert weak area here).” Whoa, stop the presses, rewind. “until SHE fixes”? Do we really want to tell our athletes “when you’ve fixed your problems, come to me and I’ll coach you.” Of course we don’t. It’s our job to look at the bar graph and help our athletes be competent in all areas. An extra amount of time and effort should be given to the lowest bars on the graph. After all, those are the variables which will most likely cause frustration, practices that aren’t fun, and dropout. The greatest gains will be made in the areas of least competence. A gymnast who improves her flexibility from 90% competency to 95% will benefit from that, but not near as much as the gymnast who improves listening skills from 20% to 40%.


As coaches, we get frustrated with our athletes. At that point, we can give support or give up. If you’ve found this blog, I’m sure you’re the “give support” kind of coach. Look at your mental bar graph for the athlete in question and find solutions to make those lower bars grow. A coach who pulls a kid back from a near dropout to watch her succeed over and over in the future is a well rewarded coach. It’s okay to ask yourself “what if I’d given up?” I hope none of us ever have to ask ourselves “what if I’d tried a little harder?”

(as a level 5, this gymnast was the slowest runner on my team.  Give up?  I don't think so.)

One more note. If we applied the bar graph idea to ourselves as coaches, what would it look like? What variables would be on my list and how competent am I in each? I’m not sure I want to look that hard at my coaching abilities (and lack thereof). But, I’m going to do that right now and see what I learn.

Thanks for reading. I’d love to hear your comments and please visit again.

Photo courtesy of Mark Baldwin, 2010 Folger's New Year Invitational

A Coaches Greatest Gift

I’ve coached state champions, regional champions, and national champions. Watching athletes succeed in competition is rewarding for a coach. But, it’s not the greatest reward a coach can receive. Several times in my career, I have been approached after competitions by parents and coaches from other teams who have told me they really appreciate the way our coaches work with our athletes. These are the moments I consider my most successful.

As coaches, the greatest gift we can give our athletes will come from HOW we teach rather than WHAT we teach. Of course, it’s important to teach sports skills properly. But, in the big picture, the lessons learned from us as role models will last longer than the sports skills we teach.

Athletes, coaches, and parents love the results produced by hard work and good training. But it’s the process of attaining those results where learning takes place. The lessons children take from youth sports come more from the steps taken to excel in competition than they do from the competition itself.

Goal setting and goal achievement, self-discipline, perseverance, teamwork, and the joy of participation are just a few of the lessons learned from the process of preparing for competition.

Young athletes benefit when parents look past the results of competition to see what methods are used and what lessons are taught during the process of training to compete. Are the methods positive and progressive? Are the adults involved modeling behaviors and an attitude that you want your child to emulate? In addition to sports skills is your child learning lessons that are in line with what you are teaching them? Such as, how to be a good person, hard work pays off, etc.

Coaches, if parents are looking for these things because they are good for their children, we should be providing them for the same reason.

Please visit again and feel free to email comments to: folgersgym@aol.com.

Is There Anything Better than Watching Kids Excel?

I love watching kids excel. Initially because of the smile on their face and the excitement I know they are experiencing, but also because I know they have learned so much from the process of achieving excellence. I’ve always believed that all children need to excel at something, and that all children WILL excel at something if given a wide range of opportunities and experiences to find what they love to do. How does a child benefit from doing something well?


A sense of accomplishment
Motivation to continue the activity
Developing passion for an activity
Learning to set goals and be a progressive thinker
Learning the process of accomplishment
Recognition from parents, family and friends
Determining a career path (depending on the activity)
Friendships with other children who share common interests
It’s fun to do something well
This list could become very large, so I’ll stop here.


Parents should provide their young children opportunities to participate in a variety of activities. Exposure to sports, arts, academics, mechanics, building things, tearing things down, music, etc. will help children find activities they enjoy, most likely leading to excellence in one or more of those activities. Listen to your children talk about the things they do. Listen for reasons why they choose some activities over others. Find the activities they choose for the intrinsic rewards (the joy of participating, the thrill of meeting a challenge, etc.) and provide more opportunities to do those. Choosing activities for the extrinsic rewards isn’t a bad thing, but parents should ask themselves this question, “will my child continue the activity when the extrinsic rewards are no longer there?” If the answer is no, then parents have a few options. You can let them continue until the extrinsic rewards are gone and then let them move on to something else. This will happen a lot with children and isn’t bad at all, particularly if they have other interests that are intrinsically motivating. The second choice is to make sure the extrinsic rewards never go away (and increase in value). You guessed it, this isn’t a good choice. A third option would be to steer your child toward the things that appear to motivate them intrinsically or toward new activities they may enjoy.

Don't be afraid to let your child "specialize" in an activity.  Most literature you read will advise parents against allowing their children to devote their time to one primary activity.  I tend to agree, but if your child finds a sport or activity they love and are passionate about, let them pursue it whole-heartedly.  Keep them involved in other things, but if it's their choice to practice, play and compete primarily in one sport, let them.  All children will, at some point, begin to choose fewer activities and spend more time doing their favorites.  This natural funneling of activity, if not manipulated by outside forces (parents, friends, coaches, etc.), should lead a child to do what they enjoy the most. 

As children get older, peer recognition becomes a strong motivator. You can find arguments that peer recognition is an external reward.  And, you can find arguments that it is internally motivating. I tend to believe that recognition by others that you do something well leans a little more toward the intrinsic side of motivation than the extrinsic. A more accurate explanation would be this; although peer recognition is external, it comes after the activity was chosen and excellence achieved, meaning it’s just “icing on the cake” of a well motivated accomplishment.

Teenagers will choose activities based on what their friends are doing.  That's okay as long as the activities are appropriate.  A healthy mix of "doing what my friends do" and "doing what I love" is best.  Because friends tend to have common interests, those are often the same thing.  Encourage your children to continue doing the things they love even if their friends don't enjoy those activities.

All children will excel at something if given plenty of opportunities to experience a variety of activities.  Seeing the benefits of achieving excellence, we owe it to our kids to create (or at least not limit) those opportunities.  If we look hard enough, we will find excellence in every child and that is worth the effort.