Try remembering this saying and the L.I.K.E. acronym:
In order to teach a child, we must L.I.K.E. the child.
Listen to the Child
Inform the Child
Know the Child
Evaluate the Child
If we can do these four things, we will have the knowledge we need to keep our expectations at a level that motivates our kids without causing the hopeless or incompetent feelings that come with over-expectations.